Unloved
by Fantasy Dragon
Summary: Withdrawn, closed. Unloved. Some things happen that cause you to be blinded by the brightest of lights. Even if they are right there in front of you. Please R
1. 1: Despair and Dancing

Unloved

Chapter 1: Despair and Dancing

By: Alexandra AKA Fantasy Dragon

Warning: Mainly only language in this chapter, some angst, maybe a hint of lime a little later on

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, but one day me and my cousin are going to take over the video game world, and they will be mine!

'Have you ever felt as if you weren't loved? You were useless? That no one cared about you? Everyone just looks right through you? The feeling that you just don't matter to anyone?

Well, that's the story of my life. Some people say that I am making all this shit up, that I try to make people feel sorry for me. But those are the people that look right through me. Because contrary to popular belief, I'm not perfect. Even my friends don't know what goes on behind closed doors. And that's the way it is going to stay.'

"Quistis? You ready yet?" A tall blond questioned, poking his head into the room. There he saw her curled up in the chair, wearing her coral robe, so he allowed himself to enter the room completely.

The young instructor jumped at the intrusion, slamming her notebook shut through sheer instinct.

"Fuck, Seifer. Have you ever heard of knocking?" Quistis said with a glare as she bent over to pick up the pen that had fallen to the floor when she was startled. She then stood up straight and began to walk across the room.

"Ever hear of locking the door?" Seifer chuckled, earning another glare. "I knocked twice and there was no answer. What gives?" the gunblader then leaned up against the door frame, watching as Quistis placed the pen and note book into the desk drawer before locking it.

"Sorry, Seifer. I just kinda zoned out there for a moment." sighed the slender girl as she removed her silver framed glasses and set them on the top of the desk, then grabbed her hair clip. As she began to twirl the long honey coloured strands into their normal style, a hand grabber her wrist.

"Leave it down. It looks fine, and I am beginning to think that the reason you are so bitchy all the time is cause your hair is too tight." smirked the ex-knight, as he lowered his arm and finally let Quistis' arm go.

"Fuck off. I'm not bitchy all the time." Quistis smiled, placing the clip back into its normal place.

"Okay. You're not always bitchy. But you're gonna be late if you don't hurry up." Seifer pushed, walking back over to the doorframe he had previously been leaned up against and took up the position again.

"I'll only be a minute. All I have to do is put my dress on." Quistis walked in her bedroom without another word and locked the door after closing it.

Seifer sighed. This was not the Quistis Trepe he remembered. Over the past six months since he had returned from his year away, Quistis had become closed off to everyone, spending all of her free time locked in her room, only speaking when spoken to, changing completely.

'In fact, she's become a female Squall.' Seifer chuckled to himself, running a hand through his short blond hair. He couldn't believe that she had agreed to go to the SeeD inauguration dance with him. And she had promised to wear something other than her SeeD uniform. This was a big deal.

"Okay. Almost ready." Quistis' voice came from the direction of her bedroom. Seifer's head shot up as he turned to look at her. As he saw her, he had to catch his jaw from dropping.

The blue mage stood there, a long black dress clinging to all the right places to show off the perfect curves of her chest and hips. From her beautiful face, down the silky pale skin of her bare shoulders, all the way to the floor that the elegant dress brushed across, Seifer had to admit for being his childhood friend and ex-instructor, she looked pretty fucking hot.

"You clean up well." Seifer nodded, not letting what he really thought come out.

"Hey, it's not every day that your most delinquent student finally becomes a full fledged SeeD." Quistis grinned, opening her closet and pulling out a pair of long black opera gloves and a pair of strappy black sandals. She then proceeded to put both things on, completing her ensemble.

"Hey. I wasn't a delinquent. I just preferred to be outside in the fresh air during class and not pay attention." argued Seifer, stepping out into the hallway as Quistis turned off the lights and closed the door, making sure that it locked. "But I did make it, didn't I?"

"I can't argue with that one. You have the uniform to prove it now." Quistis laughed out loud for the first time in what seemed like forever and definitely the first time Seifer heard since he had been back.

"Yeah. I guess it was about time." Laughed Seifer as he touched the material of his new SeeD uniform again, as if the jacket would disappear in a few seconds. With a lot of help from Quistis, Seifer was able to reapply to take the necessary courses and finally take his SeeD exams, which is why he felt that he needed to take her to the ball.

"You know, this is going to be the first one of these ball things that I will have been to since my own almost 5 years ago? I just find them so boring most of the time." Quistis confessed, as the blonde couple approached the large double oak doors that lead into the ballroom.

"You really need to get a life, Trepe. There is too much out there for you to stay cooped up in your room writing the dirty fantasies you have of me in that note book of yours." grinned the gunblader, as he held one of the doors open for his date.

"Believe me. I don't have fantasies about you and what I what I write about is absolutely nothing like that." smiled Quistis as they entered the well-decorated room that was over crowed with people. The live orchestra was playing a slower waltz as they walked over to the dance floor, which was quite full like most of the large room.

"May I have this dance?" Seifer asked, bowing and extending his hand to his date.

"Only if you promise to stop acting like such a fool." Quistis had a grin on her face as she accepted the mans hand and they began to dance in perfect time with the music.

"So what made you always not want to come to these things? You are an excellent dancer." Seifer whispered in her ear, causing the instructor to blush.

"I may be a good dancer, but what good does that do to you if you can never get a date for one of these things." shrugged the blue mage.

Seifer stopped mid-glide as she said this. " You, Miss-I-Have-My-Own-Fanclub? You never had a date?" Seifer had to laugh as they started to glide across the floor once again.

"I might have a fanclub, but that doesn't mean that any single one of those guys have the fucking balls to come up to me, let alone say shit to me. They are all just a bunch of fucking pussies who think they one day will just talk to me and win me over." glared the blonde. Seifer knew he hit a soft spot.

"And the female members?" he tried laughing through this, anticipating another rude and interesting comment.

"They are only part of the fanclub to get into the pants of the male members." was the sneer that Quistis gave, earning a hardy laugh from Seifer as the waltz ended and a somewhat faster song began to fill the air. As soon as Seifer let go of Quistis' hands, he saw the expression on her face go from one that had been a glare to one that was if she had left her body completely.

"Do you want to get a drink, then sit this one out?" suggested the ex-knight, nodding towards the refreshment table, noting the look on Quistis' face right now.

"Oh, sure. That's fine." Quistis said as if she just zoned out. It was almost like she was an empty shell, absently following orders. Seifer figured that he could ask her to strip naked right then and there and as if she wanted to be fucked, her answer would have probably been the same.

Seifer took her hand and lead her over to the long table covered in glasses of champagne and small plates of finger food. He picked up a flute of champagne and handed it to his date before getting one for himself. Seeing a place where they could talk in, Seifer lead Quistis over to the empty corner.

"Is it because of me?" Seifer asked, looking only at the blubbly amber liquid as he leaned up against a wall.

"Is what because of you?" Quistis asked, genuinely confused by the male blonde's question.

Seifer thought his statement over, leaning his head back to recite it over again in his head.

"Everyone has said you've changed a lot. Mainly since I've come back. What happened?" Seifer asked, hoping that it didn't sound as bad out loud as it did in his head. He put down his champagne just incase.

"That's why you asked me to this thing, isn't it?" snarled Quistis in a very defensive manner as she stepped away from the newly appointed SeeD.

"No, it's not!" protested Seifer. The year he had spent travelling had caused Seifer's emotions to all become free from the internal prison the knight had locked them away in for so long. Even though he now had a gentle side, he could still be the world's biggest prick if you pissed him off enough.

"Well, you can tell 'everyone' that change is an inevitable part of life that you can't escape. If they aren't going to accept what changes that have gone on, they really aren't good friends are they?" sneered Quistis as she slammed her glass down on the ledge that Seifer had already put his on.

"But what did my arrival back to Garden have to do with you changing? What about me is it that caused to you become closed? Withdrawn?" Seifer asked, catching Quistis' arm as she turned to leave, forcing her to stay here with him. Whether or not she would give a good, truthful answer, Seifer couldn't tell.

"I promise, it wasn't you. You had nothing to do with it." Quistis spoke so quietly, Seifer had to strain to hear her. Looking over at her ashen face, for the first time Seifer noticed the tears that were making a path down her pale cheeks. Out of pure instinct, Seifer pulled the blue mage into his arms and allowed her to sob into his chest.

"Remember, not all change is bad, Quisty. 2 years ago I would have been like, "Whatever, bitch", but look at me now. I have real friends that I care about, I'm now a SeeD and fuck, I have more feelings than just hate, anger and despite. But you've closed yourself off to us, Quisty. I only want to help. Please, if you could only talk to me when you are ready." He whispered, still holding her tightly.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She sobbed, unable to control the flow of tears that started to come on harder than before.

"It's okay. It is all going to be okay." Seifer rubbed her back, trying to get her to calm down. Sighing, he thought of why he was doing this. He had realized his feelings for the former instructor a long time ago, but she always had seemed interested in Squall, never him. So he acted like the self-absorbed prick that everyone knew him best as.

Finally Quistis pulled away, wiping her eyes with the palm of her gloved hand. Seifer had to smile at the child like action.

"You okay now?" Seifer smiled, holding her out at arms length. She wouldn't meet his sapphire eyes.

"I think so. I'm sorry I ruined your evening." Quistis still looked down at her feet, afraid of what her date thought of her after that little break down.

"No, you didn't. Trust me. I'll admit, after the gang found out that you and I were coming to this thing together they asked me to ask you. But I didn't asked for them. I am worried about you, Quisty. You are the reason I am a SeeD. You believed in me when everyone else gave up. You helped me and now I am going to return the favor." Seifer smiled a real smile, not his famous smirk, for the first time Quistis had ever seen.

"Thanks Seif." Quistis smiled as well before hearing the orchestra start up again with another song. "Now what do you say we dance the rest of the night away." Quistis then pulled Seifer out onto the dance floor.

TBC.......................

Just an idea that popped into my head one night. This won't be an overly long story, but not only 2 or 3 chapters. It's going to be getting a lot darker and more angsty later on. Let me know what you think! Later!


	2. 2: Pushing Me Away

Unloved

Chapter 2: Pushing Me Away

By: Alexandra AKA Fantasy Dragon

Warning: Mainly only language in this chapter, some angst, maybe a hint of lime a little later on

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, but one day me and my cousin are going to take over the video game world, and they will be mine!

For the rest of the night the two danced and enjoyed themselves. Like Quistis' breakdown had never happened. It was almost as if they had been transferred into their own little world and as crowded as it was in the ballroom, but to Quistis and Seifer, they were the only two people around.

"I think that it's about time that we call it a night." Quistis said, trying to stifle a yawn.

Seifer looked at his watch and saw that it was well past 3 am. Looking around the room he saw no more than a dozen other couples left in the ballroom.

"I do too." Seifer agreed and watched as Quistis took her sandals off. "Here, let me take those." Seifer then took her sandals into his left hand, and then took Quistis' left hand with his right hand as they exited the formal affair.

"Thanks. I must say that tonight was the most fun I have had in a long time." Quistis smiled as they walked down the continuous corridor of dorm rooms.

"You? Have fun? I never knew something like that was possible for Quistis Trepe. I bet it was the hair!" Seifer faked being shocked, still holding both Quistis' hand and her shoes in the other.

"Shut the fuck up." She laughed, smacking him with her free hand.

"Abuse! I take you out for a wonderful evening of dancing and the only thing you offer me in return is abuse? Some date you turned out to be." Seifer was still in his sarcastic and fun loving mood as they drew nearer to Quistis' dorm. But Seifer didn't want the night to end there. He was enjoying himself far too much to say goodnight now.

"Well, this is my stop." Quistis had a slight blush on her cheeks as she thought of all the possibilities that could happen in the next couple minutes. They stopped in front of her dorm, both feeling the awkwardness of the situation weighing heavy on their shoulders.

"Yeah. I guess I'll see you around tomorrow. I had a lot of fun tonight and can't wait to do it again." Seifer said, then leaned down and lightly kissed the now flushed kiss of his date. "Thanks."

Quistis felt something inside her at that moment. An urge, a wanting. There was no way the blond gunblader was leaving right now.

"Seifer, please…" Quistis trailed off as Seifer turned to look at her. "Stay with me for a bit?"

Looking at the blue mage, Seifer saw the need of having someone there plastering her face. And like Seifer was going to give up an opportunity like this.

"No prob." He smirked, then opened and held the door for Quistis. A million thoughts were running through his head, but only 999,999 were perverted. The last thought was a hope. Hope that Quistis would finally open up, let him in. Hope that Quistis would explain her little break down.

Quistis turned on and dimmed the lights so it wasn't overly bright. She took her shoes from Seifer's hand and tossed them along with the gloves she had pealed off in the general vicinity of the closet. Hearing a 'thud' she knew she came close to her target.

"So what do you want to do?" Quistis asked, not exactly sure what she wanted to have happen between herself and the ex-knight.

"You're the one who invited me in, shouldn't you know?" laughed Seifer as he began to remove his heavy uniform jacket.

Quistis watched him intensely "You should hang that up." Quistis rushed over to the closet, kicking her sandals out of the way and grabbed a hanger before handing it to Seifer.

"Thanks. You should get out of that dress." Grinned Seifer, knowing that it had come out a little more perverted than he had meant for it too.

Quistis nodded, taking the SeeD jacket and hanging it on the back of her door, not picking up on the blatantly obvious hint that Seifer had just dropped. "I'll be out in just a moment." The instructor said, looking over at Seifer before heading into her bedroom and closing the door. Kicking off his boots, Seifer sat down on the couch with a sigh.

He let out a slight groan and ran his hands through his short blond hair. Coming here was a big mistake. He wasn't going to get an answer out of Quistis, and he wouldn't accept anything else, denying his body the pleasures that it craved so much. The instructor hadn't been her normal self tonight. She had been fun and outgoing, laughing and smiling. This had been strange; not even the old Quistis acted like this. Maybe her personality was doing another turn, this time for the good.

But Seifer knew that wasn't possible. When she had looked at him, Seifer saw her cerulean eyes. Hazy and clouded over. A dead soul living in an empty vessel. No matter how happy and carefree she was acting, it was all fake. None of it was real. Even tonight when they were having so much fun, it wasn't her true emotions.

Sitting on the SeeD instructor's couch, Seifer got the strong feeling that he shouldn't be here. As many things as he wanted to happen between himself and Quistis, he didn't want anything to happen if the feelings and emotions wouldn't be real.

"Seif?" Quistis asked, coming back into the room. Her soft voice was enough to startle the younger blond from his thoughts.

"I didn't even hear you come out, Quist." Chuckled Seifer as he looked at the blonde girl. She stood there silently, not sure why she had even invited her one time student in after the dance.

"Sorry. Did I interrupt your thoughts?" Quistis put on another smile, which Seifer knew had to be another of her well practiced fake ones.

"Nah. When have I ever thought?" Seifer smirked, giving Quistis' new outfit a once over. Her hair was now back in a simple ponytail and she wore an over sized Balamb Garden Staff T-shirt with a pair of navy sweat pants. But even then, Seifer had to admit she looked fucking hot still.

"True. But I thought I'd give you some credit. Cause lets face it. I never believed you would become SeeD either." Quistis grabbed her glasses off the desk, then sat down beside her guest, putting them on as she sat.

"That was a little below the belt, wouldn't you say?" Seifer laughed, putting his tired feet up on the oak coffee table that was in front of the couch. "So, decided what we can do yet?"

"Well, you can first of all, get your feet off my furniture." Quistis then used her sock foot to push Seifer's large feet off the table.

"Hey!" Seifer laughed out loud as Quistis acted like nothing had just happened.

Quistis just wore a playful smile on her face, tucking her feet up under her.

"You're enjoying every second of this, aren't you?" sneered Seifer in a joking manner.

"I need to be amused by something." Shrugged Quistis, as she grabbed the television remote from the table.

"Oh, not you don't." chuckled Seifer, then lunged for the all powerful device.

"Oh, I don't think so, you little fucker." Quistis actually laughed as she jumped out of Seifer's way, causing the large blond to crash into the pillow on the arm of the couch where Quistis was just sitting.

"Little? I may be a fucker, but I sure as hell ain't little." Smirked Seifer as he stood up to his full height of 6'2'' in front of the blue mage's smaller frame.

"That's not the area in which I was referring to." Quistis had a sly smirk on her face, causing the ex-knight's jaw to drop.

"You're in for it now!" growled Seifer, knowing that they were just fooling around. And as childish as it seemed for two twenty-year-old SeeDs to be carrying on like this, both were enjoying every second of it.

"Oh, what are you going to do to me, Mr. Big strong macho SeeD? Arrest me and take me in?" Quistis faked the innocent puppy dog eyes, trying to act in character.

"And what if I was? Huh? What would you do then?" Seifer grinned, then got into a stance to grab her in a lunge.

"You'd have to catch me first." She challenged, surprising Seifer. Did she just allude that she wanted Seifer to try and catch her? "What the fuck are you waiting for, slowpoke? The next lunar cry?"

Seifer only smirked then darted towards her, missing by a mile.

"Hyne, you're fucking fast." Huffed the slower blond.

"It's called high evasion, or maybe you're just too fucking slow." She laughed for the second time in five minutes. In the time that she had stopped to laugh, Seifer darted towards the laughing blonde, capturing his target in his arms this time.

"Too fucking slow, am I?" Seifer whispered, holding her close, the mood in the room changing drastically in a few seconds.

"Seifer…"Quistis trailed off, her breath becoming rigid and body becoming warm. Letting her oceanic eyes close, she reached up for the forbidden kiss of lust but was stopped by a finger. Her eyes shot open and she found herself looking into the emerald green of Seifer's eyes.

"Only do that if you mean it, Quist. If not, it all stops right now." Seifer's voice was the quietest that Quistis had ever heard, and she knew that he was serious about what he said and that he was fighting an internal battle of emotions himself.

Quistis looked up and continued to reach for the taboo affection, doing it more for herself than for the blond gunblader.

Feeling the soft lips of his childhood friend pressed up against his own, Seifer thought he had to be dreaming. Only a few hours ago, this woman was crying into his chest, breaking down. Now she was initiating a kiss with him. Seifer pulled away, but Quistis' arm snaked around the back of his neck and pulled him closer, running her tongue over Seifer's moistened lips. Suggestive nips, licks and flicks caused Seifer to fall into his desire. He opened his mouth and his tongue darted out to meet Quistis'.

Hunger and passion over took his body as their tongues danced around in an erotic ritual, feeling, tasting every inch of the other person's mouth.

Nothing could have prepared Seifer for what was about to happen.

"No!" Quistis screamed, pulling away. "No!" She pushed the taller blond, then ran into the bedroom, slamming the door.

Seifer just stood there confused as all hell, his heart breaking. Taking his jacket off of the back of the door, he slipped his boots on and left, leaving his heart in a broken pile on the living room floor.

In her room, Quistis cried into her pillow, unsure of everything that had just happened. She knew she should have kissed him, fuck, she didn't even know why she did.

Sitting up, she wiped her eyes and looked at the nightstand. Salvation rested in the top drawer. Opening the top drawer, the salvation stared her right in the eye. Those three items would be her deliverance.

I know it seems that this shouldn't be in the R section, but believe me, it will be getting a lot more worse in the next couple chapters. I hope people like this. I had the idea pop into my head one night and I just had to write it. Please let me know what you think by reviewing! I be out!


	3. 3: Breakfast Time Woes

Unloved

Chapter 3: Breakfast Time Woes

By: Alexandra AKA Fantasy Dragon

Warning: Mainly only language in this chapter, some angst, maybe a hint of lime a little later on in the story

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, but one day me and my cousin are going to take over the video game world, and they will be mine!

The next morning, Seifer sat at an empty table in the eerily quiet cafeteria. He hadn't been able to fall asleep last night, his mind still racing at the night's events. She had been the one to push the kiss farther, but she was also the one who had ended it so abruptly. So was it his fault? It sure felt like it was. What did he do to cause all of this shit?

Looking down at his now cooled off coffee, all Seifer could think about was the hate that stared him in the face as Quistis pushed him away.

"How'd it go?" the overly annoying voice of a certain blond martial artist rang through Seifer's ears.

"Fuck off, chicken wuss." Groaned Seifer, not looking up from the less than interesting coffee.

"Aww! Come one! Noreen and I saw the two of you come in and you looked like such a cute couple!" Zell took a seat, unwelcome by the knight, and not taking the hint that Seifer wanted to be alone.

"It's none of your fuckin' business, alright?" glared Seifer, not at all impressed with the blonde's decision to eat at this particular table.

"So, did you get to talk to her? Did anything happen between you two after you left?" continued Zell, taking not so much as a breath as he started on the first of his five regular hot dogs for breakfast.

"Can't you take a fuckin' hint? I don't wanna talk about anything regarding that fuckin' ball or anything about last night!" snapped the gunblader, slamming his fist down on the table, causing the cold coffee to spill. "Dammit." He grumbled, the grabbed the napkins off Zell's tray and started to mop up the mess.

"Woah. Man, you'd think it didn't go well or something with that attitude that you got. Either that or someone liquefied chocobo turds and put them in your coffee. That's why I don't drink coffee. Looks too much like liquid chocobo shit. " Zell said, taking a drink of his orange juice to wash down his third hot dog.

"Are you always this dense, chicken wuss or just in the morning?" Seifer said, rolling his eyes as he put the soiled napkin in the now empty cup.

"Seifer!" a perky voice called across the cafeteria, causing Seifer to groan again. Of course the one day that he wanted to be alone, the first two people he would see would be the two that had enough energy to power all of Esthar.

"For hyne's sake. Why won't you people leave me alone?" Seifer growled as the spunky brunette joined the two blondes.

"Aww, Seify? What happened? Did'ya realize that Quisty's got her thong twisted too much to let you in her pants?" Selphie said, almost sitting down on Seifer's lap before he glared and pointed to the chair next to him.

"Quistis wears thongs?" Zell's ears perked up at the mention of this as he finished off the last of his breakfast.

"Of course. So what happened?" Selphie re-focused her attention on Seifer, who was trying to think of a reason to leave.

"Nothing. After the dance, we hung out after for a while, then I left. Nothing happened along the lines of what you are thinking." Seifer added seeing the excited look on Selphie's face, but it quickly turned into a frown.

"Oh, chocobo feathers! I think Quisty's main problem is that she just has to give up her vibrator and get a real guy. And Seifer is about as guy-ish as you can get." The petite girl pouted.

"Quistis uses a vibrator?" Zell asked, once again entering the conversation.

"Selphie, you are way too perverted for a girl." Seifer chuckled, then realized the one person he could actually talk to would be here soon, so there was no reason to leave.

"I wouldn't call it perverted, per say. It's more like, open to many sexual situations." Grinned Selphie, looking like an innocent little girl.

"I wish Noreen was as open minded as you." Zell pouted, Seifer and Selphie both completely ignoring him.

"So, where is Irvine this morning?" Seifer asked, just trying to make small talk.

"Shit!" Selphie exclaimed, jumping up. "I left him tied to the bed, naked and blindfolded! I came down to get a banana and some whipped cream! Booyaka!" She smiled then ran over to the take out line.

"Now that was disturbing." Seifer said shaking his head as Selphie ran out of the cafeteria with a can of whipped cream and a couple bananas.

"What's the banana for?" Zell asked, seriously puzzled.

"What do you think it's for, chicken wuss?" Seifer asked, not believing that Zell didn't get it. "Think ass."

"Banana? Ass?" for the first time in his life, Zell looked deep in thought." Wait, you don't mean" Zell said, a scrunched up look taking over his tattooed face.

" 'Fraid so, chicken." Seifer grinned at the look of pure disgust on Zell's face. Although he considered all his former enemies friends now, he still loved to torture them about certain things. Especially Zell.

"Um, remind me never to bend over near her again." Zell's eyes were as wide as saucers.

"Okay. I'll remember that." Seifer actually laughed as he said this, finding it all quiet amusing.

"So, did things really go that bad last night?" Zell asked, before letting out an overly loud and obnoxious belch. "You guys seemed to be having a great time at the ball."

"How many times to I have to fuckin' tell you? I don't wanna talk about anything to do with the ball or what happened last night, okay?" glared the larger blond.

"So, are you trying to say that something actually did happen between you last night and you just don't want to share the juicy details?"

Seifer sighed and decided to ignore the martial artist until he left. And his ticket out of here just walked through the large double doors.

"Sorry, Chicken. But I gotta go." Seifer pushed himself away from the table and walked towards the couple that just entered.

Not caring who he bumped into on his way, the large blond pushed his way through the thickening crowd, never losing focus on the couple standing in front of the self serve coffee station. He only needed to talk to one of them. The other he could care less about.

Getting closer, he felt himself speed up, not letting his target out of his site.

"Hey!" Seifer said, just to get their attention through the loud noises of the early morning cafeteria.

"Seifer...." Squall's soft voice said, barely audible above the noise.

"Listen. I am stealing your girlfriend. Don't worry. I'll have her back in time for class in one piece." Seifer said, grabbing the pale blue sleeve of Squall's girlfriend.

Squall looked at his girlfriend with an indifferent look before she just shrugged and Seifer began to pull her through the crowd, then the hallway towards the quad.

A few things went through her head as she followed the tall blond blindly. He hadn't done this to her in a few years, just steal her away to talk. And she knew exactly what it was going to be about too. Last night.

"STOP." She exclaimed as they entered an empty section of the quad in no time, pulling back on Seifer's arm to get him to stop.

"Sorry, I just had to get out of there. Between Chicken Wuss and that bouncy brunette, I think I have gone through enough annoying people for the rest of my SeeD career." Seifer groaned before sitting down on a bench and looking up to his best friend.

"WHAT'S WRONG?" She asked calmly before sitting down beside him.

"Everything, Fujin. Every fucking thing. Last night was a mistake and a disaster. I never should have asked her to the ball." Letting out a deep sigh, he looked over to see what Fujin had to say.

"FRIENDS?" The silver haired girl asked the rest of the question left unspoken.

"Of course only as friends, but you know, I'm not really sure if we are still friends now or not." replied the ex-knight, placing his chin on his folded hands.

"What exactly happened between you? I saw you there last night and you looked like you were friends, maybe even more." Fujin asked, a little surprised at this, her soft voice not showing the emotion at all.

"After the dance, we went back to her dorm." Seifer began, then continued to explain exactly went on last night between himself and the instructor all evening, including the secret feelings he harbored for her.

"I don't know what to tell you. I'm not big on the girly emotion thing. Or talking. So don't ask me to talk to her." Fujin's voice was stern but at the same time, Seifer knew that she was being as caring as she could be.

"You know I wouldn't ask you to. I just wish I knew what to do about it. Since we came back, everything has felt so much like home. I don't want to lose this place or this feeling again. Fuck, that sounded like I am a fuckin pussy." Seifer cursed.

"IS HOME. NO QUESTION." She said, knowing exactly where this was going.

"No. It could never be home. There will always be something missing." Sighed Seifer.

"Raijin's dead, Seifer. He won't be back." Fujin said, a slight glare in her crimson eye. She stood up and turned to look at her friend. "I saw her go to the Training centre on my way down here. Maybe you'll get to talk to her if you meet her there." Fujin then left Seifer sitting there with his own thoughts without another word.

'Crimson. Scarlet. Garnet. Red.

It's all the colour of my blood. How I would love to see that welcome colour.

It's like Shakespeare put it. For in that sleep of death what dreams may come.

He hit it right on the ball. Maybe it would all be better, dream for all of eternity.

No one would miss me. No one cares about me. I was not meant for this world.

I did have a moment of salvation last night. And I had thought that deliverance was with it.

But how could I ever hope for deliverance, I'm not that important.

Alone. That's what I am. Not a single hand to help me off the ground.

Not that I need the help. Alone is all I need. I need no one.

Maybe I should end it all. Instead of waiting for salvation, I could have it ended now,

But whose to say that the other side will be better. Will someone there care for me?

Who knows if I'll be important of that side? It'll probably be the same as this side.

But I don't need anyone. I'll hold my dreams for another time.

Tears? Why do I feel them? I haven't felt tears for a long time.

I don't feel sorry for myself. I won't miss anyone. Why do these tears come?

It doesn't matter. I really don't care anymore.'

Closing the black book, a single tear fell on the cover before she stood up and began to walk away.

I hope the next chapter comes to me quicker than this one, but I think the extra time I took on it made it this much better. Once again, please R&R, it gives me inspiration. BTW, the Shakespeare quote, In This sleep of death what dreams may come, is from Hamlet. Til next time!


	4. Memories Never Last Long

Unloved

Chapter 4: Memories Never Last Long

By: Alexandra AKA Fantasy Dragon

Warning: Mainly only language in this chapter, some angst, maybe a hint of lime a little later on in the story

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, but one day me and my cousin are going to take over the video game world, and they will be mine!

* * *

After a short internal battle, Seifer chose to follow Fujin's advice and try to talk to Quistis. Although the silver haired girl wasn't the best person to turn to when it came to deep conversation, the girl was mature beyond her years and often knew exactly what to do in most situations.

Walking through the humid atmosphere of the training centre caused the blond knight to start thinking. Why was Quistis here? Hyne knows that she didn't need the practice. Or was it that she was so angry about what had happened last night, she came her to let off some steam.

Coming across a group of higher level Grats, Seifer sighed and unsheathed his black blade. With four swift strokes, each of the plant like creatures let out a dying cry and lay in pieces on the simulated jungle floor. None of these monsters posed any sort of a threat to Seifer. Not even the so called fearsome T-Rexaur. He had been single handily chopping those down since he was 15. No threat there.

Entering the back of the training centre, the scarred man wondered where a certain instructor may have gone. Or if she had even been here in the first place. Deciding to just continue around the perimeter of the training centre, Seifer came across a sight he wasn't expecting to see.

There was Quistis, talking to some guy that Seifer had never seen before, who was wearing a green Garden issue jacket. And Quistis was actually laughing and smiling. And it wasn't the same smile or laugh that she had when she was with Seifer or anyone else.

As the two heard a rustle in the bushes, both turned around to look the spot where Seifer had just been standing, but saw no trace of anyone or anything. Seifer had ducked quickly behind a boulder, feeling really bad about eavesdropping, but had to know why she was like this around this strange man, but not around her friends.

"Thanks, Joker. You have no idea how deep my gratitude runs. You certainly are Hyne sent." Quistis smiled and gave the man a hug.

"No worries. Anything for you, your majesty." This man called 'Joker' replied and placed a soft kiss on Quistis' cheek.

This action caused Seifer's blood to boil. Was he jealous? Hell, yeah. Looking down at his green splattered Hyperion, Seifer resisted every urge in his body not to run out and slice through this mysterious guy. Seifer could take him. It might cost him his SeeD status, but to find out this guys intentions it would be every bit worth it.

Trying to get a better look at this bastards face, Seifer cause the fleeting vision of Quistis entering the secret area. But that Joker was nowhere to be seen.

Knowing that this was probably the best time to get Quistis alone to talk to her, Seifer hurried to the door that Quistis had just closed. As he was just about to push the door open, a very disturbing thought ran through Seifer's head.

What if Quistis was in there with _him? _What if _he_ had been the reason Quistis had pushed Seifer away last night.

There were so many possibilities that could be true, but Seifer wasn't about to sit around and wait to find out. Taking a deep breath, the gunblader forced open the door, preparing for the worst. But to his surprise, nothing like what he expected was going on.

Only three people occupied the small area, and none of them were the green jacketed man. Quistis was standing over at the balcony, and two junior class men were passed out against the railing, surrounded by empty liquor bottles. Best thing to do if there was a party and you weren't invited was to have your own.

Not knowing what he should say to the blue mage, he left all trace of common sense behind and walked quietly over to where Quistis was standing.

"Quistis?" He asked softly, as he gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

Quistis turned and jumped at the sudden intrusion of her private moment, glaring harshly at who ever had interrupted her silence.

"Seifer? What the fuck?" the blonde instructor cursed, the person she least expected to find her here glaring right back at her.

"Is something the matter? You're awfully jumpy this morning." He asked as he reached into the breast pocket of his black trench coat and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. A dirty habit that he had been trying to break for years.

"What do you mean?" Quistis had calmed down considerably in the last eight seconds and just as Seifer pulled a smoke from the new package, she snatched the package from him.

"Hey! You can't confiscate them!" growled Seifer as the only missing cigarette from the box hung from between his lips.

Quistis only scoffed and pulled the slender stick out of the box and with a few choice words, both blonde's cigarettes lit and Quistis passed the nearly full pack back to it's owner.

"Teach you not to offer a lady a smoke." She grinned, then took a long drag from the cigarette in front of a slack jawed Seifer.

"I…ah, didn't even know you smoked." the gunblader had a slight blush on his cheeks, the thought that Quistis was probably the after sex type smoker running through his head. Taking another drag, Seifer had to shake his head to rid himself of the thought and focus back on the problem at hand.

"Not many people do. It's frowned upon for and instructor to smoke. How else are we suppose to let of all this fucking stress?" she asked rhetorically as she glared over her shoulder at the grounded garden.

"So, I'd like to apologize for last night." Seifer said, unsure of how the statement would effect the elegant blonde.

"Apologize?" Quistis was completely taken aback by the scarred mans words. _So it was just out of pity that he asked me. Bastard! And I fucking cried in front of him. I should wring his neck right here and now. No one will miss a washed up sorceress's bitch. _Quistis thought harshly in her head.

"Yeah. It was wrong of me to come into your room last night and I am completely regretful for anything that happened afterwards." Turning his head so that Quistis couldn't see his face, Seifer prayed to the great Hyne and every other deity in the sky that she wouldn't see the pain and rejection that was apparent in his emerald eyes.

"Afterwards?" Quistis whispered. What had happened afterwards that he was apologizing? She couldn't remember. Had he violated her? No, she would have remembered something that serious. The only thing that she could remember about the night before was that she had cried at the ball, and she had taken enough to almost push her over that edge of redemption. With one last puff of her cigarette, Quistis tried her hardest to remember what had gone on between them last night after the left the ceremony, but with no avail.

"Quistis?" Seifer's voice broke through her train of thoughts, causing her to look at his face fully for the first time since he entered her privacy. The dark circles under his eyes, his paler than normal skin, emerald eyes that had lost their sparkle. What ever it was that Seifer was apologizing for had kept him up most, if not all of the night.

And Quistis couldn't even remember what it was that he was apologizing for.

"I'm sorry too. I really wasn't myself last night." Quistis replied, knowing that Seifer would think one of two things. Either Quistis was actually sorry, or she had no clue what he was talking about.

"Oh, okay." was the quiet response from the blond, all hope sinking with his broken heart. "Well, I just wanted to say that everything that I said last night was true. I just wish you could trust me a little more and talk to me." And leaving his heart in a million little pieces at her feet, Seifer turned to walk away from the blue mage.

"Seifer, wait!" Quistis called, just as he was opening the door to leave. She called him for no particular reason, but knew that once he walked out of the room, she would be losing one of the best friends that she would ever have.

Seifer turned around, afraid of what she wanted to say to him. Almost anything that she could say would only break his heart further.

"What is it, Quistis?" He asked, trying not to sound too cynical. But the girl was killing him. What else could he do?

Quistis hadn't actually expected him to stop, but rather continue out to the training centre and slash everything in site with Hyperion. So she had to come up with something really fast to say to him.

"It's not that I don't trust you, Seifer." She explained. "And I did take everything that you said to heart."

The gunblader then interrupted. "Yeah, I know. But you don't feel the same. I understand perfectly. Forget the whole thing ever happened." he snarled, unsheathing his gun blade and bring it up to rest on his shoulder. "I'll see you around, Instructor." The hate and distain that coated the last word threw Quistis completely off guard. He hadn't called her 'Instructor' for months now. If only she could remember what happened last night. Then maybe she could find a way to fix everything that had just happened.

* * *

Seifer cursed loudly with every stroke of his gun blade. Slicing through everything that wasn't human, nothing registering to him besides the pain and rejection that he was feeling right now.

"SEIFER?" Fujin's unmistakable dialect startled him. The blond was in mid swing, and when he finally came face to face with the cyclopsed girl, his Hyperion was pressed lightly against the pale flesh of her neck, ready to slit her throat.

The most disturbing part of all this was not that his blade was one movement away from murdering his best friend, but it was the calm expression on Fujin's face. It was if he was holding nothing more than a feather up against her throat.

Taking a deep breath, Seifer lowered his weapon and stuck the tip into the ground. "Sorry, Fu." He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"PROBLEM?" she asked, taking a seat on a fallen tree that had faced the wrath of Seifer.

"Only that she told me last night was a mistake. And she acted like none of it had ever happened. " Seifer looked over at the silver haired girl, misery and heartbreak plastered on his features.

"MISTAKE?" Fujin replied, a little confused about everything that had happened.

"Just what I told you, Fu. She told me it was all a fuckin mistake. Fuck! My life is

enough of a train wreck without little Miss Trepe fucking up one of the only good things in it. " Seifer cursed, forcibly pulling his gun blade out of the ground.

"I already told you that I'm not good at the talking or advise thing. Or talking to people. So I really don't know what to say." Fujin said, shaking her head. Seifer was really pissed off. This was the last thing that he needed.

"I know. I really wish…" Seifer was cut off by Fujin jumping up abruptly with a very upset look plastering her features.

"DON'T" she pleaded, sternly." If you say anything about Raijin, I will leave you and our friendship."

"But.." the blond protested, the thought of loosing his other best friend devastating.

"He's dead! He died to save us! What do you think he would say? It's hard enough dealing with his death without you always bringing it up." Fujin's body was racked with silent sobs, but she let no tears fall from her single crimson eye. "Those gunmen were going to kill you. Raijin died to protect us. Don't let that go to waste."

"Fuu." Seifer whispered, then took his best friend into his arms, holding her close as she tried to hide her emotions. "I'm sorry."


End file.
